50 Things Sirius Black Is Not Allowed To Do
by Marauders-And-Lily-I-Love
Summary: Remus tapes a list of things that Sirius Is Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts onto their door.RLSB SLASH!TENTH AND LAST ONESHOT POSTED!Number 49/50:Tell Dumbledore that his beard is erotic...and then attempt to stroke it seductively.Read and review!COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

_**Yeah, so I was bored.  
I hope you like it. Also, I'm not sure whether the list is funny enough... so apologies for that. This is Remus/Sirius slash :)  
Enjoy!  
Review please!**_

**50 Things Sirius Black Is Not Allowed To Do**

1) Sing 'Baby Got Back' at the top of his lungs dressed in a tight leather mini-skirt.

2) Make endless sexual innuendos about bananas.

3) Take pictures of himself while showering and then sell them to the female population of Hogwarts.

4) Give Remus a makeover while he is asleep.

5) Ask the potions professor whether the day's assignment can be used a sexual lubricant.

6) Sign his essays 'Seriously Sexy Sirius'.

7) Deliberately invite Moaning Myrtle to the Prefect's bathroom to watch while Remus and he are 'bathing' together...

8) ...And then pretend to know nothing about it of course.

9) Buy Remus a flea collar and then attempt to strangle him with it.

10) Encourage first years to make friends with the Whomping Willow.

11) Paint a regular golf ball gold, glue wings to it and then replace the snitch with it.

12) Transfigure Remus into a puppy and name him 'Squishy'

13) Introduce an official 'Hug a Slytherin Day'.

14) Steal Lily's bras...

15) ... and then force James to wear the sexiest one over his school robes.

16) Run through the school naked with 'S.O.B' written on his chest in melted chocolate....

17) ... and then loudly ask Remus to lick it off.

18) Convince Remus that all the books in the library have been stolen and that it is closing down.

19) Tell everyone that James' mum looks like Voldemort.

20) Write a book about different sexual positions with graphic diagrams, using Remus' teddy and a house elf as the models.

21) ... And then claim that James' broomstick told him to do it.

22) Tell first years that Filch regularly abuses his cat.

23) Tell First years that Filch is the Voice of God.

24) Ask Professor Flitwick if he knows where Snow White lives.

25) Pop a balloon in the middle of one of Dumbledore's speeches.

26) Squirt ketchup on his forehead and then tell Remus he fell off of the Astronomy Tower.

27) Slip 'used' condoms in James' bed before he and Lily come up to do their 'stuff'.

28) Refer to Remus as a 'sex crazed wolf' in public.

29) Tell people that it's Remus' Time of the Month when he tells First Years off for breathing too loudly.

30) Try to beat James to death with a napkin.

31) ...or a pillow.

32) Ask Professor Sprout to marry him at dinner...

33) ... and then loudly and graphically tell the whole of the great hall about their daring sexual escapades.

34) Draw faces on pieces of fruit and then carry them everywhere, claiming that they are his evil minions and that together they will take over the world.

35) Push Remus up against a boiling hot radiator and kiss him, just to see how long it takes Remus to realise that his bum is about to burn.

36) Set Lily's hair on fire to see whether there is any difference between her hair colour and the fire.

37) Write 'Spooning leads to forking' on Remus' Valentine's Day card.

38) Tell James about phone sex and then give him Lily's home number.

39) Attempt to break a glass over Lily's head if she spends more than three hours with Remus in the library.

40) Realise that while polishing his wand in the common room is acceptable, 'Polishing his Wand' in the common room is not.

41) Try to show the class that Minerva McGonagall is ticklish, in a hands-on demonstration.

42) ... and then claim that McGonagall planned the whole thing and that she is sexually harassing him.

43) Put hundreds of rabid skunks in Snape's dorm...

44) ... and then state that Snape simply shouldn't have left the window open.

45) Announce to the whole of Hogwarts that he has had loud and crazy sex with a fully transformed werewolf.

46) Announce to the whole of Hogwarts that he has had loud and crazy sex with a rat.

47) Announce to the whole of Hogwarts that he has had loud and crazy sex with a stag.

48) Announce to the whole of Hogwarts that he has had loud and crazy sex with a doughnut.

49) Tell Dumbledore that he finds his long, _long _beard incredibly erotic...

50) ... and then attempt to stroke it seductively.

-----------------------

Oh, his friends thought they were so clever, didn't they?

Sirius stared at the long list, frowning slightly. He had such _wonderful _friends, didn't he?

Psht, why on earth would he want to stroke _Dumbledore's beard_?! It was simply outrageous!

... Although, that **would **be absolutely _hilarious._

Sirius grinned suddenly, an idea (oh no) popping into his head. It would be brilliant; it may even scar his lovely werewolf for life. The dog animagus let out a small, almost hysterical giggle at the imagery of a thoroughly traumatised Remus.

Well, since they had given him such an adorably annoying present that was _obviously _written by his boyfriend (he'd recognise the handwriting _anywhere_), why not give one back?

The dog Animagus cackled slightly as he pulled out a quill from his bag and added-

----------------------

Remus yawned as he stepped through the portrait hole; all that food had made him tired.

As he climbed up the stairs to the seventh year dorms, he froze when he heard music. Eyes widening, he ran up the remainder of the stairs, horror creeping up on him when he realised that the song was none other than Baby Got Back. Bursting into the dormitory, he froze when he saw Sirius.

Dancing.

Singing.

In _a tight leather mini-skirt._

Remus' mouth dropped open.

Oh. Lord.

Sirius gave an elaborate twirl and then flounced up to the motionless werewolf, grey eyes sparkling mischievously. Wrapping his arms around him, he pulled Remus flush against him.

"I loved the present, by the way." He grinned, gesturing at the list. Remus squirmed slightly in Sirius' grasp, the leather making him a tad uncomfortable. The werewolf then squinted at the list, frowning when he saw a number 51) at the bottom of the list in Sirius' messy scrawl.

_I swear there were only 50._

"I added a little something as a Thank You Present!" Remus looked up at Sirius, biting his bottom lip. Oh, this couldn't be good.

"Padfoot... What on earth have you come up with _now_?"

"Go on, take a look. It's all for you." The dog Animagus smirked.

Remus pulled away from him and walked towards the list that was taped onto the bathroom door.

_51) Do all of the things on the list because he finds Remus friggin' sexy when he's angry._

The werewolf gulped.

"S-Sirius? We were only joking..." Turning around, Remus was shocked to see his boyfriend swinging around a... flea collar.

Crap.

"Watch out for radiators, Remy baby, 'cause your bum is about to get hot, hot, _hot_."

Double crap.

**_Right, so. I was bored. I'm on my summer hols (Yes!) so I'll probably be writing a lot more :)  
Hope you enjoyed this.  
I'm not sure whether the list was funny enough, but I hope you like it anyway. :)  
So..  
Review?  
I'll love you forever :)  
Also, I may do a '51 Things James Potter Is Not Allowed To Do'... so if you want to see that sometime soon, let me know, and I'll post it soon :)_**


	2. Number 5

**_This is the first oneshot of the ten I am going to do. The ten that I am going to do are, numbers 5, 7, 12, 14+15 (as one), 16+17, 20, 28, 35, 41 and 49+50. They are not going to be in the order of highest votes (numbers 49+50 won!), they will be in numerical order.  
Please review...  
Apologies in advance for the shortness and crapness..._**

**_NUMBER FIVE: ASK THE POTIONS PROFESSOR WHETHER THE DAY'S ASSIGNMENT CAN BE USED AS A SEXUAL LUBRICANT:_**

"Have a seat, everyone! Sit down please!" Professor Slughorn called, ushering the seventh year students to their seats.

Once everyone had unpacked their belongings and had settled, he began. He tapped the blackboard with his wand, causing the professor's curved writing to emerge, forming the word _Amortentia._

"Right, today we will be working on the potion Amortentia. Now, first of all, who knows what this potion actually is?" His eyes immediately found his favourite student, Lily Evans. Slughorn waited expectantly until Lily's hand shot into the air, and was fully prepared to call out her name, when from his peripheral vision, he spotted another arm waving in the air.

Confused, he turned his heavy body slightly, surprised when he noted whose arm was in the air. With a raised eyebrow, he acknowledged, "Mr Black?"

"It's a potent love potion."

After a split-second's hesitation, Slughorn's face grew delighted and he bellowed out a laugh. "Well done m'boy! Five points to Gryffindor!"

Sirius grinned smugly and leant back in his chair; ignoring Remus' suspicious amber eyes and James' thunderstruck ones (_He just willingly answered a question! And he got it __**right**__)_.

"And how exactly does it work?" the potions professor asked, eyes again locking on Severus Snape and Lily Evans.

And again, Sirius' hand lifted up into the air. Remus frowned at him, "What's wrong with you?" he mouthed, narrowing his eyes at Sirius' nonchalant shrug. James, eyes wide, tried to tug his best friend's arm down.

"Stop it!" Sirius hissed.

"Since when do you answer questions?" James whispered back, horror colouring his tone.

"Sirius, are you feeling okay?" the werewolf reached out to place the back of his hand on his boyfriend's forehead.

"I'm _fine_! Let go of my arm James!" Yanking his arm out of the stag animagus' grip, he raised his hand till it was clearly visible.

"Miss Evans?" Slughorn's voice boomed, picking on one of his best students after deciding that maybe Sirius was ill or something equally worrying.

"It is recognised by its distinct mother-of-pearl sheen. The potion gives off a different aroma for everyone who smells it; the unique smell reminds the maker of the things they find most attractive."

"Excellent! Another five points to Gryffindor!" Lily smiled at Slughorn, eyes sparkling at the praise.

"Come on, Padfoot, the question's already been answered (by my lovely Lily...). Put your hand down! _Now!_" James glared at him. The stag Animagus had a feeling they may have to take a detour to the hospital wing on the way back to the common room. Sirius' behaviour was really, _really_, _**alarming**_.

"No," Sirius muttered out of the corner of his mouth, "I need to ask him something. Professor!"

Slughorn turned to look at him, frowned and then turned away, thoroughly unsettled. Sirius Black had never, ever, contributed _anything_ useful in _any _of his lessons. Why was he starting _now_?

"Ugh! He ignored me!" the dog Animagus mumbled, irritated. Still, he kept a smile on his face and his hand in the air. "Professor! I _really_ need to ask you something!"

Slughorn glanced back at the young Black, sighing resignedly, "What is it, Mr Black?"

"I just wanted to ask you-" Sirius began.

"Black, are you ill?" the potions professor couldn't help but let the words slip from his mouth. Snape sniggered, glaring maliciously at the three Marauders. Who glared right back.

"No, professor! Believe me, I'm _fine_." he replied eagerly. And then with a poker straight face, he asked, "can Amortentia be used as a lubricant?"

"... What?!" Slughorn spluttered, sincerely hoping Black didn't mean it in the way he thought he did.

"As in, in sexual activities... You know, like sexual lubricant...?" Sirius smiled cheekily at him, disregarding the horrified, _mortified _(Remus) and positively gleeful expressions (James) next to him.

The entire was still and silent, watching the exchange with shock and surprise. Everybody knew that Sirius Black had guts... but _this_.... He'd just better thank God that Slughorn wasn't as strict as McGonagall...

"Mr Black! I cannot even begin to tell you how inappropriate-"

"'Cause Remus and me... sometimes we can't find the lube... and well- Mmphf!" Remus clapped a hand on Sirius' big, stupid, _stupid_ mouth. While the poor werewolf was scarlet with humiliation, irritation shone brightly in his eyes.

"I'm ever so sorry, Professor. Sirius fell off of his bed this morning and I think he banged his head particularly hard... We'll get him to the hospital wing as soon as possible." Remus stared up at the professor imploringly, keeping his hand clamped on Sirius' lips, trying to ignore the tongue licking his palm.

The werewolf turned his head to glare at Sirius, communicating his annoyance through his eyes.

_I'm warning you, Sirius!_

Sirius cocked his head to the side, biting the inside of Remus' fingers lightly, his grey eyes sparkling cheekily.

_I love you too, Remy baby!_

Remus' eyes narrowed.

_Any more misbehaviour, I will __**hurt **__you... _

"It's fine, Mr Lupin... just keep Black under control, please..." Slughorn cleared his throat uncertainly and waddled back to the front of the classroom, trying to regain some control of the situation.

Remus lowered his hand slowly and wiped his wet hand on his trousers. "You are disgusting!" He hissed, trying desperately to get Sirius' saliva off his palm. James simply sniggered, shaking his head at his friend's craziness.

"Brilliant, mate!" The stag animagus clapped him on the back. "I'm proud of you!"

"What can I say, Prongs? I'm just brilliant... but I suppose I shouldn't take _all _the credit... after all it _was _Remus' idea." Sirius grinned at his boyfriend and best friend, reaching into his bag to pull out a piece of parchment boldly titled, '50 Things Sirius Black Is Not Allowed To Do'.

James guffawed loudly, almost drowning out the rhythmical sound of Remus' head crashing into table over and over again.

**_There's the first one of the ten I am going to do!  
Hope you like and apologies for the crapness...  
Review?_**


	3. Number 7

_**Here's the next oneshot!  
Hope you like it!  
Please, please review!!  
Thank you to all the reviewers from the last chapter :)**_

**NUMBER 7: DELIBERATELY INVITE MOANING MYRTLE TO THE PREFECT'S BATHROOM WHILE HE AND REMUS ARE 'BATHING' TOGETHER.**

"Hmmm... Remus...That feels so _damn good_! Oooh..."

"Sirius, shut up." Remus Lupin muttered irritably, not even looking up from the essay he was working so hard on. The two canines were seated on one of the sofas in the common room, Remus balancing his parchment on his heavy textbook.

"What?!" Sirius laid his head against his lover's shoulder and gazed up at him pathetically. Fluttering his lashes and pouting, he sniggered slightly when Remus pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to contain his annoyance.

"I'm not even _touching_ you yet."

"Yes, well, I have a vivid imagination. It's all in my mind... you, lying _naked _on James' bed, _writhing in pleasure_ beneath me, while I-" Sirius sent him a sultry look as he said this, walking his slender fingers slowly up the werewolf's arm. Remus suppressed a shiver as he tried to get his mind back on the right track: _the essay_.

"Sirius! We're in the common room!... And why James' bed?" He interrupted, batting Sirius' hand away.

"Dunno... I like James' bed... _Anyway, _come to the prefect's bathroom with me." Sirius said huskily, smiling when Remus' eyes darkened slightly. The dog Animagus twisted his body until he was facing Remus properly.

"No. I'm busy."

"But Reeeeeeemus!" Remus looked up, ready to retort angrily, when he spotted the sad puppy-dog-eye look Sirius was giving him.

_Damn._

"No, Sirius. I need to get this essay done." Mastering the overwhelming urge to jump on the Animagus and snog him into oblivion, he turned back to his essay, determined to get the stupid thing finished.

"Please? Look at how dirty you are! You need to wash your hair! You probably stink as well!" Sirius lifted up a few strands of hair and sniffed, pretending to grimace at the smell of it... even though it smelled of vanilla and other yummy stuff... Hmm... if eating hair wasn't slightly worrying behaviour, Remus wouldn't have _any_ hair by now.

"...That's supposed to convince me to have a bath with you?" Remus raised an eyebrow; his boyfriend really was_ insane._

"...Just please, Remus? You're making me sad." The dog Animagus' lips trembled ever so slightly and his eyes widened. A soft, pleading whimper escaped his lips.

"I'm supposed to care?" Thank Merlin that Remus had at least some semblance of control, or else he would have jumped Sirius' bones by now... That look on his handsome face...Merlin...

"_Moony_!" With one hand, Sirius clutched his chest theatrically, falling back against the sofa. The back of his other hand landed on his forehead dramatically.

"Fine. Come on then, O Dirty One." Remus rolled his eyes, deciding that it would probably be best for his sanity if he complied with his loopy boyfriend. Besides, the essay wasn't due until next week...

"Whoopieee!" Sirius leapt off the sofa, pulled the werewolf up rather violently and sprinted out of the common room, rejoicing.

----------------------------------

After what seemed like hours of teasing (Sirius just never shut up, did he?) and taking off each other's clothes (again slowed down by Sirius' endless chatter), the two canines were (finally) submerged within the warm, soapy water.

And _already_, Remus had found a reason to leave this damned place. The young werewolf was getting quite peeved off with the stupid, vain mermaid on the wall; just because Sirius was _delightfully_ wet and naked, didn't mean she could _look_ at him!

Stupid mermaid.

Sirius grinned at the jealous-of-a-mermaid-on-the-wall werewolf, beckoning him nearer with a finger.

"Hmm... Remus... You look utterly yummy naked... Come closer..."

"Sirius... You're... You're just _crazy_, you know that right? And thanks. You're looking pretty yum yourself." Remus couldn't help but move nearer to his lover; it was like a magnetic force, drawing him forcefully towards the young Black.

"Closer! I wanna kiss you."

The honey coloured haired man wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck, twinkling amber eyes meeting utterly mischievous silver ones. Uh oh.

"...Sirius, I do _not _like the look in your eyes."

"Which look?" Sirius cocked his head to the side, banging noses lightly with Remus. He looked at him completely innocently, trying to hide his growing smile.

"The look that tells me that something _bad, _for me anyway, is about to happen." Remus narrowed his eyes at him, loosening the arms wrapped around Sirius' neck.

"Hehe."

"Sirius, I- Oof!" Sirius pressed their lips together before the werewolf could protest. He pulled him even closer, until the two were chest to chest. After nibbling softly at Remus' lower lip, he swiped it with his tongue, effectively asking Remus for access to his mouth. Remus' lips parted and the Animagus' tongue slipped into his mouth. Teeth clicked and tongues slid hotly against one another in a heated dance that made both boys dizzy with emotion. Sirius' fingers threaded through Remus' wet hair and then played with the small curls at the back of his neck.

"...Hmmmm...." Sirius breathed, pulling away once the need for oxygen overrode the need for Remus' lips. He gazed at the werewolf, mesmerised by the rivulets of water trailing down his lover's neck and the small droplets of water that dangled off of his dark lashes. _Merlin_... Grey eyes followed the paths of the water, lower and lower and lower until...

_Bloody bubbles! I can't see **anything**! Damn._

"Sirius-" Remus began, tightening his arms around Sirius' neck.

After kissing Remus lightly on the nose, he grinned cheekily at the werewolf. "I have a suprise for you..." he whispered in a sing song voice. Remus raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"You can come out now!" The Animagus called suddenly, twisting his head so he could see something that was out of Remus' line of sight.

---------------------

"Look at how _hot_ he is Myrtle!"

"Hmmm...Oooh, yeah, he **is **quite handsome... I haven't seen someone this good looking since I died..." The ghost tilted her head to the side, woe colouring her tone when she spoke of her own death.

"WHAT?!" Remus spluttered. Angrily, he glared at Sirius (_Oh, if only looks could kill_) and let go of him. "What the _hell_, Sirius?!" the werewolf poked Sirius in the chest furiously, making him wince. Remus waded to the edge of the large pool-like bath tub and began to climb out.

"Remus! Come on! Come back!" Sirius swam after him quickly and pulled him back into the water, wrapping his arms around his body and dragging him away from the edge.

"Sirius! I am going to kill you! Let me go! _Now_!" Remus tried to wriggle desperately out of his grasp but Sirius was stubbornly holding on (well he was _trying_, what with all the water Remus was splashing around). They were chest to back now and Sirius was rather _enjoying _this position.

"Are you sure you wanna go?" he whispered in his ear hotly, before licking the wet junction between Remus' neck and shoulder.

"Why wouldn't I- aaah... you stupid _prick_?!"

"Well, I kind of forgot the towels and if you go out, Myrtle will be able to see you all dripping _wet _and _naked_." Sirius replied innocently, silver eyes filled with mirth. Wrapping his arms more securely around Remus' waist, he chuckled slightly when Remus stiffened.

"..._Damn you Sirius Black_!"

**_I hope you liked this!  
Please review!  
You'll make me reaallllly happy. And I'll put the next oneshot up very quickly! :)_**


	4. Number 12

**_Hey!  
I hope you enjoy this!  
Please, please, _please _review this chapter!  
It would make my day.  
I'll update the next chapter quicker as well. :)_**

**NUMBER 12: TRANSFIGURE REMUS INTO A PUPPY AND NAME HIM 'SQUISHY'.**

"Mr Black, what in God's name is that?"

"Why, my lovely professor, he's a _puppy_! Isn't he sweet?" Sirius Black lifted up the white, fluffy puppy on the chair next to him and placed it on his desk. The puppy had soft droopy ears and large, bright amber eyes. The poor thing was tiny and its fur was adorably messy and tousled. Soft 'awww's were drawn from each and every girl as the puppy curled into a small ball on the desk so its eyes were focussed on Sirius.

"Why is it in my lesson, Mr Black?" Professor McGonagall ignored the puppy, staring sternly at the young Black.

"Because.... If I leave him on his own... he'll get sad." Sirius' long fingers threaded through the fur softly as he picked him up and held him gently against his chest so the puppy was facing the transfiguration teacher. Professor McGonagall stared at the wide amber eyes in her line of sight and sniffed slightly in annoyance. There was no way she'd be able to throw out something that...that... _cute_...

"Fine, Mr Black. But any disruptions, _both _of you are getting detention." Black nodded, grinning cheekily.

The puppy wriggled out of Black's grip and leapt lightly on the desk. As McGonagall turned slightly, she could have _sworn_ that the puppy was giving Black the evils.

------------------------------------

"Hehe. You're a pretty good puppy, Moony. Maybe I should keep you like this."

"Grrrrrr."

"Ouch! Don't bite- _Oww!!_ _Stop that or I'll leave you alone in a room full of first year girlies_!"

-----------------------------------

"Mr Black, what is it that you have there?"

"A Puppy, Professor Flitwick." Sirius replied, lifting the scrabbling puppy from his bag and plopping it gently on his desk. "Name's Squishy."

Flitwick raised an eyebrow, making his way over to the pair. "And, er, why is he here?"

"I just thought maybe you'd feel better if there was someone smaller than you in the classroom." The Black heir answered cheekily, smirking at the teacher. At this, the puppy growled at Sirius, baring his tiny teeth.

"_Black_!" Lily hissed in shock and anger; how could anyone be so _rude_?! Sirius dismissed her with a wave of his hand.

"Mr Black, one more 'short' comment like that and you're getting detention." The charms professor snapped. "_Both _of you."

The puppy's snarls grew in volume when the little ball of fur heard this statement.

Jumping on Sirius and attempting to kill him, 'Squishy' soon realised, did not help matters at all. Many of the girls seemed to believe that this hostility shown towards his 'master' (a term Sirius snickered heartily at) was caused by having a _particularly_ violent 'owner'. The poor puppy was soon declared as being 'Sirius-ly abused' (surprisingly enough, Sirius also found this absolutely hilarious) and by the end of the lesson most of the girls had attempted to kidnap him.

Sirius, the smug bastard that he was, simply _accio_ed him back, catching him easily in his arms.

It was safe to say that 'Squishy' was planning a very cruel revenge on his 'master'.

-------------------------------------------------

"Sirius, do you know where Remus is? It's not like him _at all _to miss _two _lessons!"

"He's feeling horribly ill James. He's in the dorms, snoring his cute little head off."

"Oh... What's wrong with him?"

"You know, it was full moon three days ago... Still recovering."

"Oh. Ok... Hope he gets better, then..."

"Hmm."

"Um, one more thing. Where on _earth _did you get the _puppy _from?!"

"Remus."

"...But-"

"Bye, James."

----------------------------------

"Can I just tell you, Mr Black, that it is quite dangerous to have such small animals in the potions laboratory?"

"Sorry, professor Slughorn. But, you see, he has nowhere to go..." Sirius shoved 'Squishy' in Slughorn's face, both canines' eyes large and sorrowful (but for completely different reasons). Sirius knew that the potions professor would completely melt when he saw the little fluff-ball.

"Ah... Um. Fine. Just don't let him near the cauldrons. You don't want him falling in, do you?" Slughorn rested his hands on his gelatinous belly and turned away to the blackboard so he could start the lesson.

Sirius pulled the puppy close to him so they were almost nose to nose. "Hey, baby. Be careful, won't you, love? Wouldn't want your lovely fur to be ruined by the evil potions, eh?" his whispered, grinning when his little puppy tried to bite his nose off. Hmmm. Remus was going to kill him later. He _should _be scared, but the struggling puppy in his hands was simply too adorable to be remotely frightened of. Remus, on the other hand, was a completely different story...

Oh well.

It was totally worth it.

--------------------------------

"Squishy? Squishy? James! He's _gone_!"

"I swear he was next to your cauldron!"

"No! He's not _there_! James, I _need_ to find him!"

"He's probably still here somewhere. Calm down!"

"No! You don't understand- SNAPE! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH MY PUPPY?"

------------------------------------

Sirius leapt out of his seat and practically flew over to the Slytherin's desk, on which his poor puppy was quivering. His wand was out and pointing at the Slytherin as he scooped up 'Squishy' in an arm. Sirius had no idea what Snape was about to do to his puppy, but whatever it was, it couldn't have been good.

He slipped 'Squishy' inside his cloak, making sure it was securely wrapped around him.

"Mr Black, return to your seat immediately!" Professor Slughorn waddled up to them, brow creased in a frown. Oh, no, the potions professor wasn't just going to stand there while one of his favourite students got hexed over a puppy.

"But professor-" Sirius protested, smoky grey eyes furious.

"No buts, Black. Go back to your seat. The potion is very dangerous and it wouldn't do to have any accidents. Would it?"

Sirius threw an outraged glare at the greasy Slytherin and then stalked back to his desk, vowing silently to himself to get revenge. Pulling out 'Squishy' from his cloak, he placed him on his lap, glaring around at the still and silent classroom.

_How dare Snape even touch him!? Ugh. My poor baby. _

The puppy lifted a paw and slipped it into Sirius' large hand. Then, 'Squishy' nuzzled his soft head into Sirius' stomach, smiling a small doggy smile when he lifted it up again.

--------------------------------------

"Sorry 'bout that, Moony. Snape won't ever touch you again. Did he do anything? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Do you want me to hex him? How are you feeling? Do you wanna just sleep in my bag for a while? Do you wanna play fetch or something? Do you wanna eat something? Moon-

"Grrrrr."

"...Um... Err... Love ya."

----------------------------------------

"Pads... Why does Squishy have an eye-patch?"

"He be a _pirate_, me matey. Ye be gettin' me some rum now, me laddie. Arrrr..."

"Shiver me timbers! Yer pirate voice is crap, ye scurvy dog!"

------------------------------------

"Sirius, why are there bright pink ribbons in Squishy's fur?"

"Why, he's a ballerina my dear Prongs."

-----------------------------------

"Um... Why is Squishy wearing a kilt?"

"He's _Scottish_, Prongs, honestly!"

"My Scottish accent is _way _better than yours."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is too."

-------------------------------------

James wondered into the boys' dorm to see Sirius sitting with 'Squishy', pulling a brush through his fur.

"Sirius, you've lost it."

Sirius looked up at him innocently, cocking his head to the side. "Lost what? Squishy is right here."

"Your mind. You've lost your _mind!_ You've finally gone crazy. And you've betrayed me! You've left me all alone in 'The World of the Sane' while you're off in some crazy parallel world where it's normal to dress up puppies as pirates and ballerinas!"

"Aw. Come join me! It's fun!" Sirius beckoned James closer, gesturing towards the seat next to him. The stag Animagus inched nearer, narrowing his eyes. Sirius was crazy, yes, but this was way over the line. That poor puppy was probably traumatised enough.

"Where's Remus by the way?" James looked over to their wolfy friend's bed, surprised when it was empty.

"Probably at the hospital wing." The dog Animagus shrugged, not looking up from primping 'Squishy's' fur.

"You know," James frowned, "you're acting as though you couldn't care less that your boyfriend is ill! You _should _be visiting him, but _noooo _you're here dressing up a puppy!"

"Rem won't mind."

Whilst James and Sirius had been chatting, 'Squishy' had leapt off of Sirius' lap and trotted over to Remus' bed. He hopped up onto it and burrowed under the covers, letting out a soft doggy sigh. Maybe, if he slept a little bit, things would go back to normal.

--------------------------------------------

"Good morning, Moony!"

"Leave me 'lone... Bleaughh...Whossat?"

"Me! Your lovely, gorgeous, amazing, sexy boyfriend!"

"...Sirius?"

"...Remus... why are you looking at me like that?... M-moony...?"

"_Squishy_."

"M-m-moony-"

"_**Squishy**_?!"

"Please, listen to me-"

"Sirius. I. Am. Going. To. KILL. YOU!"

"ARGH!!!"

"_I wish I still had my paws so I could scratch your bloody eyes out! _Ack, sorry James! _Sirius Black, get your fucking arse here right now! I am going to murder you, torture you, kill you, slaughter you and then __**feed you to the flobberworms**__!"_

_**I hope you like it!  
Please, please review!  
I'll love you forever! :)  
The more reviews, the quicker I update :D **_


	5. Number 14 and 15

**_Hey! Sorry I took so long updating this! Hope you like it! The response for the last chapter was amazing! Thank you soooo much! :)  
Love all my reviewers! You're amazing!_**

**NUMBER 14 AND 15: STEAL LILY'S BRAS... AND THEN FORCE JAMES WEAR THE SEXIEST ONE OVER HIS ROBES:  
**  
"Potter! Why the hell are you wearing one of my bras?!"

"I don't know, Lily! I just woke up this morning... and it was just _there._" James tugged at the lacy material atop his robes. The more he thought about it, he actually liked the way the white fabric contrasted with his black robes. It was rather flattering...

This morning had been terrible. The young Potter had woken up to the sun filtering in through the curtains. As he stretched his long, muscled limbs, his hand had brushed across his chest... And his head had snapped down to stare. Then, there was chaos.

"Give me back my bra!" Lily screeched, hypnotic jade eyes flashing furiously.

"It's not coming off!" The messy haired young Gryffindor yanked the bra away from the robes, only to have it snap right back into place. A small smile played at the corner of his mouth; Lily was _hot_ when she was mad...

"You git! I can't believe you charmed my bra!" Reaching out, she snatched her stolen underwear and pulled. It was no use. The stupid thing didn't budge. Bugger.

"I _didn't_... By the way, it is rather sexy... Don't you think it suits me?" James flashed her a grin and then twirled elaborately, winking at the redhead.

"I'm going to kill you!" In a millisecond, her wand was pulled out of her pocket and pointed at James' chest.

"Nah, you won't." He smirked. "You might ruin the bra. And we wouldn't want that, would we?"

"Oh, I so, _so _will. Just you wait." She stepped closer, the tension between them sparking and fizzing uncontrollably.

"You won't."

"Will."

"Won't, won't, _won't_."

"Ugh, stop being so childish!" Running a hand through her hair, she suppressed the desperate urge to stamp her feet and stick out her tongue. Obviously, that would completely contradict what she had just said, so she refrained from this behaviour.

"Hmphf. You know, I was quite surprised at the size... I thought you'd be bigger than a-"

"YOU DARE READ OUT MY SIZE AND I WILL KILL YOU POTTER!"

* * *

"Sirius, what did you do this time? You have that look on your face." Remus looked up at his boyfriend, frowning at the smirk on his aristocratic face.

"I didn't do anything." Said boyfriend smoothed out his features, rearranging them into an innocent smile.

"Yes, you did. Now don't lie to me. Remember, I have yet to get revenge for the 'Squishy' episode." The werewolf shivered; that was something he never, ever wanted to go through ever again. Ever.

"Aw come on, you were adorable as a puppy." Sirius couldn't help but plant a small kiss on the honey eyed boy's nose; he never seen such an adorable puppy in all his life until 'The Day in Which Remus Walked on All Fours'.

"That's not the point. So, tell me, what did you do?" Crap. Remus had donned the 'Stern Prefect' disposition. This was _bad_. The werewolf knew that Sirius would do _anything_ when he heard the Voice. And that shameless poof was exploiting that knowledge to the fullest! Evil Prefect.

"...IcharmedoneofLily'sbrastostickonJames'robesfortherestoftheday." The Animagus mumbled.

"Sorry, didn't quite catch that."

"I charmed one of Lily's bras to stick on James' robes for the rest of the day."

"Oh Sirius, you didn't." Sighing, Remus shook his head, closing his book and standing up.

"Of course I did, babe." Sirius' voice grew cheerful and he wrapped an arm around his boyfriend's slim waist.

"You've just signed his death wish; you realise that don't you?" Remus leaned up slightly, his soft breath skating over the taller man's jaw. Their eyes met; Remus' resigned and yet somewhat filled with mirth, Sirius' playful and intense. They stood like that for a few long seconds, breaths mingling and hearts beating in unison, until a cheeky smile stretched across Remus' lips and he pulled away, leaving Sirius slightly dazed from that unusually strong connection.

"...Mmm-Hmmm...."

Sirius couldn't care less.

A kiss was in order.

* * *

"Moony! Save me! Lily's going to kill me! Please, hide me!"

James charged into the dorms, eyes wide and panicked. He didn't seem to care much that he had just interrupted one of 'Moony and Padfoot's Super Duper Yummy Sex Sessions'.

"MOONY! HELP!"

The werewolf froze in his ministrations, letting his head fall on Sirius' shoulder. Sighing breathily, he unwound himself from his lover, raising a flushed face and lust-filled eyes to their best friend.

"Get in the bathroom and stay quiet." Remus said through gritted teeth, pointing towards the door in the corner of the room, ignoring the petulant whine from his lover at the loss of contact.

"Oh, thank you, thank you." If the stag Animagus hadn't been in such a hurry, he was sure that he would have thrown himself at Moony's feet in gratitude. But Lily was on her way, and he wasn't feeling particularly suicidal. Not to mention the fact that he was pretty naked right now... on _James' _bed?! What was it with those two and fucking on _his_ bed?! Oh he was going to-

"JAMES POTTER-"

Fuck! James sprinted into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Lily froze when she saw the two boys on the bed.

Whoa.

They were _hot_. _Really _hot.

Her jaw dropped... What was Sirius _doing_? Was that his _hand_? What on earth? What was it doing _there_?

Oh. Right.

It was crazy, she had never, ever seen Remus so... _dominant._ Lily was looking at Remus in a completely different light; _forget _sweet, innocent Remus... that image had been totally shattered.  
_  
Get back on track, Lily. You're here to kill James! Not to ogle Black and Remus while they... do 'it'. _

"Remus! Tell me where Potter is!" She strode to the two boys, blushing furiously and trying desperately to keep her eyes trained on their faces. Without even looking up, he pointed to the bathroom.

"Thank you." Turning to march towards it, she stopped when Remus said in a throaty voice:

"It wasn't - _Ack... Ngh_... _Pads _- his fault. Sirius – _hmmm_... _again!_... - was just having a bit of a laugh."

"_Black_?"

"I...Er... H-hey Evans.... Um.... _Remus_! I c-can't concentrate!"

"Padfoot, _apologise_." Remus stopped sucking on Sirius' pale neck and smirked down at him, his tawny locks sticking to his forehead. Shivering delightfully at the tone of his lover's voice, Sirius shook his head, pouting slightly.

"No!"

"Padfoot, apologise **_now_**." Leaning down, Remus bit down Sirius' bottom lip roughly, drawing out another soft moan. The werewolf sat up straight, slapping his boyfriend's hair-sprinkled thigh lightly. A warning.  
_  
Do as I say, Mr Padfoot. Or else._

"Wait, so, Black stole my bra?"

"Yup."

"L-L-Lily... S-sorry...Please don't...don't kill me! _Remus, s-stop tha-"_

"SHUT UP BLACK! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT-" All of a sudden, she couldn't bring herself to care that she was they were having sex. How dare they have sex?! Black had stolen her bra! He shouldn't be _allowed _to have sex!

"Lily, if I ...er... _punish_ him sufficiently, will you forgive him?"

Sirius gulped.

Amber eyes met emerald, reassuring her that everything would be taken care of. Maybe not in the way she liked (Punishment sex?!), but she trusted Remus would sort him out. After all, Sirius was a  
wimp when it came to his lover.

"You can go and kill James if you like. I just thought I'd let you know who was really responsible."

"Thanks, Remus! Carry on, you guys. I need to pay a visit to the bathroom." Eyes glinting, she strode to the door, pushing it open and stalking inside.

* * *

"You're so mean, Moony."

"Hey! You should be happy, you ungrateful git. You're only getting punishment sex and maybe a spanking, James is getting _murdered_."

"Eh."

* * *

"HOW COME HE GETS PUNISHMENT _SEX_?!"

"BECAUSE!"

"CAN I HAVE PUNISHMENT SEX TOO? WITH YOU?"

"NEVER!"

**_Hope you like it!  
Review?  
I'll love you forever! :)_**


	6. Number 16 and 17

_**I'm SOOOOO sorry for the long wait!!!  
Please, don't kill me.  
I would tell you why, but I don't think you guys can be bothered to know.  
So I apologiseee :)  
But, I hope you like the oneshot! And please, remember to review :D  
I hope this doesn't suck.**_

**NUMBER 16 AND 17: RUN THROUGH THE SCHOOL NAKED WITH S.O.B WRITTEN OVER HIS CHEST IN CHOCOLATE... AND THEN ASK REMUS LOUDLY AND PUBLICLY TO LICK IT OFF HIS CHEST.**

"James, come up here for a sec!"

James' head snapped up, his eyes focussing for the first time in about half an hour.

"What, Sirius? I'm trying to daydream here!" He shook his head, naturally quite pissed off at his doggy friend. Everyone knew that pulling James out of a daydream (most likely about Lily) was practically a suicidal act.

"Just shut it and come up!" came the impatient reply floating down the stairs. Sighing, James stood up and stomped up the steps towards the dorm, planning a gruesome revenge on his supposed best mate.

"Fine." James pouted as he entered the room. "Now what do you want?"

Chocolate brown eyes swept the room, taking in its demolished state. "What's all the mess for?" He asked, thoroughly dreading Remus' reaction when he came up here. His eyes landed on Sirius' bed, nose wrinkling at the dirty socks that somehow had found a home on his pillow.

Finally, James looked at Sirius, laughing at his dishevelled disposition. His hair was a mess, he was shirtless, and he had only one sock on (and that, too, with a whole in it). He frowned when he saw a jar of brown stuff in his hands, along with a small butter knife.

"What's the Nutella for? Are we having a picnic? Great, I love picnics!" James clapped his hands together, conveniently forgetting about the revenge he had been planning against Sirius. He ignored the roll of the eyes Sirius sent his way. "Can we invite Lily? Can we? Can we?"

Another eye roll.

"_No_ James." The dog Animagus walked towards James, holding out the Nutella and the knife. "I need you to spread this chocolate on my chest."

James stuck his finger in his ear.

He was going deaf.

"Excuse me?"

"Spread. This. Chocolate. On. My. Chest."

Oh.

So he _had _heard right.

"Er. No! I'd rather you asked _Remus _to assist you in these perverted activities of yours."

"No! It's nothing perverted!" Even as he said this, Sirius couldn't help but shoot a lewd wink at James, grinning when he looked vaguely sick. "I promise. Look, you remember that list that Remus made at the beginning of the year?"

"Yeah…?"

"Well, one of the things on the list was to write S.O.B on my chest." Sirius raised his eyebrows, hoping that James understood what he was talking about.

"Right…?"

God, Prongs was an idiot.

"And then ask Remus loudly and publicly to lick it off. Remember?"

"Hmm…"

"Will you help me? Please, I'll do anything." Sirius pleaded (yes, _pleaded_), he really wanted to do this! He could just imagine the look on Remus' face, and he really _had _to see it in real life... It would be _hilarious_...

"Anything?" James asked, raising an eyebrow.

Swallowing at the eager, contemplative and altogether rather evil look on James' face, he nodded.

-------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Remy!" Sirius bounded down the stairs and into the common room, which he knew Remus had just entered (courtesy of the Marauder's Map). The werewolf looked up in shock, jaw opening as he took in the sight before him.

"AH! What are you doing?!" He yelped as Sirius almost jumped on him. Sirius shot him a cheeky grin, giving the flustered, tawny haired Gryffindor an elaborate twirl.

"Nothing!" An innocent expression formed on his face as he smiled angelically up at his boyfriend.

"Where are your clothes?!" Remus spluttered.

"I'm wearing underwear." The animagus pouted, wiggling his hips slightly.

"Where's your uniform? What's on your chest…?" Remus' eyes widened at he registered the letters written on Sirius' chest... Remus sniffed discreetly... in _chocolate..._ "_S.O.B._" he mouthed, horror in his eyes, "Oh Merlin."

"Isn't it brilliant?" Sirius crowed.

"No! Go wash it off!"

"Nope." Sirius shook his head, grabbed Remus' hand and flounced out of the common room, pulling the mortified werewolf along.

----------------------------------------------

As soon as they stepped into the Great Hall, every student and teacher fell silent, staring open-mouthed at the couple that stood at the door. Remus, panting and looking as though he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole, and Sirius, flashing his pearly whites and looking extremely proud of himself.

"_Black_!" McGonagall finally found her voice, making to stand up from her chair at the staff table.

"Minnie!" Sirius countered, running a hand through his hair and winking saucily at the Transfiguration professor. Without waiting for a reply, the dog animagus pulled his boyfriend to the Gryffindor table, sitting down at their usual places. Remus stared around the hall nervously, a long string of curses circling around his brain. _Why _did Sirius have to do these kind of things? **_WHY?_**

Loading huge amounts of food onto his plate, Sirius acted completely oblivious to the glares and stares he was receiving from teachers and pupils respectively. When Remus nudged him, looking distinctly uncomfortable, Sirius leapt into action. "What are you looking at?" He snapped at the many students still staring unnervingly at the pair; _nobody is allowed to make Moony squirm apart from **me**! _"Mind your own business."

As soon as those words escaped his mouth, every single person in the room scrambled to look back at their friends/fellow teachers.

"No worries, Moony, see?"

Remus swallowed, eyes straying to the chocolate lettering on Sirius' chest. As much as he loathed to admit it, Sirius _did _look rather hot. _Damn stupid hot boyfriends._

When he noticed Remus staring at him, he smirked slyly, saying, "See something you like, eh?"

"_Sirius_!" He hissed, narrowing his eyes and shaking his head.

Grinning back at Remus, Sirius decided to put the last part of his plan into action. Eyes shining with mirth, he almost shouted (stunning the Great Hall into silence once again), "Oh _Moooony!_ I can just SEE how much you LOVE me like this! And GODS, Moony baby, I _NEED _you! Will you PLEASE just come here and LICK IT OFFFF?!" He draped himself over his lover, biting back the insane urge to cackle at the expression on his face.

Remus' jaw dropped.

"Do you know how much I CRAVE that talented, tantalising tongue wandering all over my chest? Do you know how much I'd LOVE for you to take one of my nip-?"

"BLACK!" Their head of house screeched, stalking over to the Gryffindor table. It was quite unfortunate for Sirius, that at that moment, McGonagall had decided to save Remus from further mortification. As well as the rest of the school from the detail Sirius was going into. "We do _not _need to hear of this during dinner! This is _disgusting behaviour_! Your lack of clothing is outrageous, I _demand _that you go and put on your uniform now. _After _taking a shower. Then, and only then, will you be allowed to have dinner." She added, eyes fixed on the Nutella on his chest.

"Why? I haven't done anything wrong." Sirius replied, looking up at her innocently.

"You have your initials written on your chest in what I'm assuming is _chocolate! _As well as that," she answered contemptuously, "you asked Mr Lupin to take part in some extremely indecent activities _in the Great Hall!_ 25 points off of Gryffindor and detention with me for the rest of the week! Go wash that writing off your chest _now_!"

Sirius looked up at her, pouting. "But these are my _initials! _I can't just wash them off!! I'll lose my _identity_!" He wailed. "I tell you, it is _imperative_ that Moony licks it off my chest, otherwise I may just  
forget who I am _forever_!"

Finally coming to his senses, Remus shot up, sent an apologetic look towards McGonagall and pulled his boyfriend up from his seat. "I'm ever so sorry professor. I'll see that he washes this off. It won't happen again, I'll make sure of it."

Ignoring Sirius' loud and dramatic protests, he dragged him bodily from the hall and up to the dorms. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" He almost yelled when the door shut behind them.

"Nothing!" Sirius replied, backing away from Remus' angry glare.

"Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was for me?"

"I'm _sorry_!" He really did hate it when he made this Moony upset...

Remus glared at him, stalked to his bed and pulled the curtains shut around him. Sighing, Sirius followed. He pulled the curtains open, to see Remus staring resolutely ahead of him, legs crossed and arms folded across his chest.

"Well..." he began, unsure of exactly how to apologise. "This Nutella isn't getting off my chest by itself..." he said weakly, looking at his boyfriend hopefully (fighting the urge to waggle his eyebrows).

After staring at Sirius quietly for a few seconds with an unreadable expression, Remus abruptly pulled the animagus on top of him, the curtains shutting with a soft _swish._And with that, Padfoot, Moony and the jar of Nutella were not seen for the rest of the night.

**_I know that on the list it said Sirius had to run through the school naked, but I decided to let him wear his boxers... just 'cause Remus might actually kill him (never make a werewolf jealous :D)  
_****_:)  
And yes, it was supposed to be melted chocolate but I had some Nutella today... and well, I just HAD to put it in there... Hope it didn't ruin the story or anything *hopeful smile*.  
Right, pleaseee review :)  
I'll update so much quicker than I did this time (I already have half of the next oneshot written up :) ).  
Hope you enjoyed it!_**


	7. Number 20

**I really hope you like this; I stayed up for ages typing this up for you guys (neglecting all my homework... ) and am so tired right now...  
So sorry for any crapness or mistakes and please, remember to review.  
I love my reviewers.  
You absolutely make my day.  
Seriously.  
Siriusly. (The Padfoot in my head MADE me type that!!!)  
Right, I should go, before I fall asleep at the computer.  
Review?**

Remus woke up to soft murmuring from beside him.

Rolling over, he rubbed his eyes, yawning and stretching. Really, what was Sirius doing up to early? Sirius _never _woke up earlier than he did… it was highly unnatural. The black haired boy was sitting next to him, still only in his boxers, with Remus' private notebook (he adamantly _refused_ to call it a diary) laid out in front of him.

As soon as this strange sight registered in his sleepy mind, Remus shot up in bed, screaming.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing!?"

Sirius' head whipped up from what he was writing (_in __**Remus**__' notebook_). Yelping in shock and terror, for Remus' expression at that moment was about as scary as his mother's when she found the muggle posters in his room, he fell off the bed with a loud thump, pulling the covers with him to the floor.

Remus was now also cold.

Chaos reigned.

"Why were you writing in my notebook? It's private! And now you made me _cold_! I don't like BEING COLD!" The werewolf shouted as he chased his lover around the room.

"Sorry! Please, Moony." Sirius stopped suddenly, causing Remus to crash into his back, tumbling them both over.

"I'm going to kill you." Remus breathed into the Animagus' neck. "But _after _you tell me what you were writing in my notebook."

Sirius, after regaining his composure, smirked, winding his arms around his lover's waist. "Do you really wanna know?" He whispered huskily, tucking a strand of hair behind Remus' ear.

"Yes." The werewolf said firmly, disentangling himself from Sirius and stalking over to the bed. Sirius followed at an abnormal speed, beating Remus to their destination and snatching up the book before the other one could even reach down to touch it.

"Give. It. To. Me."

"No!"

"It's _my_ notebook!"

"No!"

Remus jumped on Sirius again, futilely trying to seize the book from the Animagus. Of course, Sirius was not going to give in that easily; Remus would go ballistic if he found out what he had written in his diary.

Throwing the werewolf off of him, he scrambled up and rushed out the dorms, still clad in nothing but boxers

Remus followed seconds later, but not before pulling on a discarded t-shirt.

"SIRIUS BLACK, GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"

All occupants of the common room turned around in shock to see Sirius Orion Black sprinting out of the dorms like there was a herd of rampaging Hippogriffs after him, which would most likely have been a more comfortable situation for the boy.

But, as they soon realised, it _wasn't _a herd of Hippogriffs. No, it was the usually calm and composed _Remus Lupin _chasing after the young Black, cheeks blotched a light red and hair tousled and messy.

Whispers flew around the common room like wildfire. _Why were they only wearing boxers? What had Sirius done to Remus? Why was Remus acting like a maniac?_

Then they noticed the book in Sirius' hands.

Ah.

Remus' diary.

Oh, sorry.

_Private Notebook._

"Give it back now!" Sirius simply shook his head and dived underneath a desk. Remus followed, and sounds of a wild scuffle could be heard.

Fortunately, or unfortunately if you were Remus Lupin, James Potter stepped into the Gryffindor common room, an arm around his new girlfriend, Lily Evans.

"What is going on here?" She demanded, hands flying to her hips.

No one said a thing for a few seconds, until Lily raised an eyebrow and made a face that suggested imminent death if someone did not speak up. Finally, someone pointed shakily at the desk under which the wrestling match between the canines was taking place. Both Lily and James made their way to the aforementioned desk, James reaching under to pull both boys out. Sirius had his boxers riding dangerously low and Remus' shirt had a few buttons missing.

They were either _really _getting it on under there, or they were fighting.

"What are you doing?" The stag asked frowning, pushing his glasses up his thin nose.

"James," Sirius pouted, "Remus is trying to kill me."

James turned to Remus. "Moony, why are you trying to kill Padfoot?"

"He stole my notebook." Remus' eyes narrowed at Sirius and almost leapt on him again, but he managed to control himself. For now.

"Sirius, why did you steal Remus' notebook?" Lily asked sternly. Only she knew the full details of what was in there, and she was well aware that Remus would most definitely not appreciate it if Sirius had read it.

"Because I wanted to write a story." Sirius sulked, the book hanging limply in his hands. James, spotting the opportunity, reached over and snatched it out of his hand and, before Sirius or Remus could protest, started reading out loud.

'_But possibly my favourite position of all is something called 'Doggy Style'. It is one of the most satisfying and enjoyable positions I have ever tried in my sexual career. I would explain this position in graphic detail to you, however it seems that my models (see picture below) __have__ been able to perform it/show it admirably. Nevertheless, if you do use it, it is best to know its origins. Two humans saw a pair of dogs humping. And decided that it looked cool._

_So they tried it._

_And they liked it._

_Take my word for it, you'll never find a more sexually experienced man than me. And if you do, __please, do let me know._

_And now, dearest readers, I leave you here, and I dearly hope, with all my heart, that you make use of this book. I __**know **__that you liked the diagrams, however I cannot claim any rights to the models, as one of them is a house elf who belongs to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and the other is a teddy bear belonging to my roommate, Remus John Lupin._

_Thank you all!_

_Ta-ra for now!'_

James trailed off, trying desperately to stifle his laughter. The whole common was slack-jawed and still in disbelief and Lily, his dearest_, dearest _Lily, was ranting under her breath about cruelty to house elves.

Remus, however, was glaring deep, burning holes in Sirius' face and James swore that if looks _really_ could kill, Padfoot would be nothing but a mere pile of dust.

"You wrote a book about sexual positions. IN MY NOTEBOOK?!" The werewolf ground out through gritted teeth. Sirius was shaking, letting out small squeaks of terror. Moony was _angry_. "And then you decided to get my TEDDY BEAR INVOLVED!?"

"And a house elf?!" Lily added quickly.

"S-s-sorry… Moony, it was just a joke!"

Remus, instead of replying, grabbed Sirius by his collar and dragged him bodily up to the dorms. He shut his eyes after they entered the dorm, letting go of Sirius and pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to calm down.

"Sirius," Remus said softly, "you didn't read anything in the notebook did you?"

_Ah. So that's why he was so angry._

"So…" Sirius began cautiously, "you weren't really that angry about the teddy bear and the sex parts, were you?"

Remus shrugged, nose wrinkling. Sirius had to master the overwhelming urge to smooth out those wrinkles and then drop a kiss on his nose. "Well, I was… but it doesn't really matter."

"You went ballistic before…?"

"I was tired, Pads. I had woken up to you writing in my notebook. Remember I only found out about my teddy and the sex writing in the common room." Remus sighed.

"Why don't you want me to read it?" Sirius asked softly.

_What could possibly be written in there that he couldn't read?_

"It just has a few things in there that I'd rather not let you read…" The beautiful amber eyes locked with Sirius' stormy grey ones. "Like what happened in Sixth year… with the… Whomping Willow and Snape…" He finished in a quiet tone, staring pleadingly at his lover.

"Oh." Sirius just seemed to deflate.

"I'm sorry. But I needed to vent my feelings somewhere… and I was so scared that you'd read it all… I didn't want to hurt you with what I had written."

Sirius moved towards the werewolf, guilt clenching his heart in an iron fist; he hesitated for a few seconds before pulling Moony into his arms. "Well, you don't have to worry. I didn't read any of it. I know that it contained basically all your thoughts and I knew that I wouldn't have liked it if I had someone poking through _my_ thoughts and memories. So I turned to a page with no writing and started there."

"Padfoot…"

Smiling at the 'Whatever Have I Done To Deserve You' expression on _his _Moony's face, he leant down to leave a gentle butterfly kiss on his forehead.

"Honestly. I can't believe you'd think that I have no respect for your privacy." He teased, pulling Remus towards the bed. He tried to forget what his lover had said about the event that had taken place in their sixth year; tried to ignore the curiosity that had welled up in him.

No.

He would not look. It was wrong. He nodded to himself as they collapsed on the bed together. Hey, you never know, maybe Moony would show him one day.

But right now, it didn't really matter all that much.

Because _right now_, he was looking forward to putting those sexual positions he had written about in Remus' dia... notebook to good use. _Very _good use.

Especially Doggy Style.

**I hope you liked it.  
Any mistakes or crapness, please don't kill me, I am SO tired right now.  
I love you guys.  
Your reviews make my day. **

**P.S Who thinks I should do all the things on the list as oneshots?  
I've been asked a few times, but I don't know... what do you think?**

**-M x**


	8. Number 28

**_Hey!_**

**_I know this is really short- but I didn't really want to drag this oneshot on too much... I hope you like it and please, remember to review!_**

**_Also, from the results of whether or not I should do all the things on the list, the majority of the people voted that yes, I should do them all..._**

**_But I'm still not sure, so feel free to vote on my profile and/or lemme know your opinion on it :D_**

**_Review?_**

* * *

**NUMBER 28: REFER TO REMUS AS A 'SEX CRAZED WOLF' IN PUBLIC.**

They were at lunch when it happened.

Sirius leapt up from his seat next to Remus, proceeding to swipe the area in front of him clean of cutlery and food with a flourish, all of which fell to the ground with a deafening _crash_. Then, the young Black sat down on the table, smirking at the shocked and angry expression on Remus' food splattered face.

"What _are _you doing, Sirius?" He groaned, wiping the disgustingly mushy food off of his face.

"Oh, my dear _dear_ Remus…" Sirius tsked, patting the werewolf's tawny head patronisingly.

Remus' eyebrows shot up into his hairline and he glared at his boyfriend, amber eyes boring holes in the young Black's head.

"Stop being a twit and sit down Sirius." He ordered.

"Nope." Sirius replied bluntly, shooting the werewolf a cheeky smile.

"_Sirius_!" He hissed back, trying to ignore the other occupants of the Great Hall.

"What?" Shrugging innocently, the Animagus ignored Professor McGonagall's furious approach, instead reaching down, grabbing Remus by the collar and hauling him onto the table next to him.

"Padfo-!"

Then, mortifying the young werewolf, he proceeded to stick his tongue down his throat. Gasping, Remus raised his hands to Sirius' shoulders, intending to push the idiot away… but was slightly distracted when Sirius did that sinfully sexy, devilishly delectable and utterly **naughty **_thing _with his tongue that drove him absolutely freakin' _crazy_.

"Nghh... _**S-stop**_... _Pads_..."

Sirius pushed Remus down so that he was lying on the table, running his hands up and down the young werewolf's sides, making him shiver delightfully. Wolf whistles echoed throughout the room, as well as Minnie's incessant screeching, but these were completely ignored by the two canines as they continued to ravage each other on the dinner table (to Prongs' and Wormtail's utter horror).

Once, and only _once, _did Sirius pull away for longer than a millisecond, and this was only to turn to the rest of the now silent inhabitants of the hall, and wink saucily.

_("OMG! Sirius Black just winked at __**ME**__!" "Hush Isabel! I'm trying to watch this!")_

"My my my, Remy, darling…" he cooed, looking back down at the messy-haired, wide-eyed boy beneath him. Stroking his lover's scarlet cheek, he said breathily into the quiet, "You're such a sexy _animal… _my gorgeous, fucking beautiful, sex-crazed _**wolf**_!"

That snapped Remus out of the lustful stupor he was in.

"Sirius Black! What the hell did you just say?!"

"...I love you...?"

* * *

**_Yesss, I know it's short.... Don't kill me! :P :D_**

**_Review?_**

**_I'll love you all forever :D_**

**_x_**


	9. Number 35

**_I hope you like this! I'm soo sorry for the long wait! :S Review please!_**

**_Also, I have decided not to do the other 40 things on the list, simply because I will be too busy to update it as frequently as I would like :( But, you never know, I may come back to it in the future. However, I have decided to do to the James Potter List as I have done to this one! So, I will be writing ten oneshots of things from the list for that. If you wanna see those oneshots, go and read/review that story and let me know which ten you want me to do! :) Or, just put me on your author alert list :)_**

**_Oh and yes, I understand that there are probably no radiators in Hogwarts... but let's just say that there is, for the sake of this oneshot. :)_**

**_Review? _**

**_I'll love you all forever :)_**

**NUMBER 35: PUSH REMUS UP AGAINST A BOILING HOT RADIATOR AND KISS HIM, JUST TO SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES FOR HIM TO REALISE THAT HIS BUM IS ABOUT TO BURN. **

So there I was, just walking down the corridor that would lead me to the portrait hole, when out of nowhere, a hand snatches mine and pulls me into an empty classroom.

Now, at first, I was utterly terrified. I mean, I have only been pulled into an unused classroom by one Sirius Black, which is probably the main reason as to why I tend to steer clear of empty classrooms (although that is rather impossible in Hogwarts).

Imagine my surprise when I see that it is, once again, yes you guessed it, Sirius Black,

My boyfriend.

Yep. That's right. My _boyfriend._ I have condemned myself to a life _with _Sirius Black, rather running away _from _him at the first opportunity. A momentary lapse in my sanity enabled him to have his wicked way with me, and now, we are mated for life.

Oh, the horror.

Although, his tongue happens to be a rather talented (and convincing) muscle – _especially_ when it is in my mouth. And that's not the only part of his body that I find particularly useful/entertaining.

Ahem.

Oh dear Merlin, you can really tell that I've been hanging out with the other Marauders for far too long, can't you?

_Anyway_, so there he was, staring down at me with mischievously glowing silver eyes and a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

"Hey baby." He whispers huskily, making my cheeks heat up in a small blush.

"What are you doing here? What do you want, Padfoot?" I ask, trying to force the blush away.

"I want _you_, Moony." He steps closer, invading my personal bubble with a single step. "I've been watching all day; do you have _any_ idea how sexy you are?"

"Shut it, Sirius." I shake my head, struggling to control my beaming smile. "Now is really _not _the time or place."

You see, this is exactly why I find my Padfoot so annoying sometimes – he has this unreasonable, overwhelming, and slightly worrying power over me. His arms sneak around my waist and Sirius pulls me flush against his chest.

"Sirius, what are you doing?"

"You know perfectly well what I'm doing." A hand reaches up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear, his lips dangerously close to mine. And then suddenly, he swoops down, capturing my lips in a exhilarating, spine-tingling kiss.

His tongue swipes across my bottom lip, eliciting a soft whimper from me. My mouth parts and his tongue slips past my lips and delves into my mouth. "Hmm…" My arms wrap around his neck and pull him, if it's even possible, closer. Rough hands are carding through my hair and I _feel_ the soft growl rumbling in his chest as he increases the intensity of the kiss.

We move steadily backwards, until I'm pushed into something solid, which I'm presuming is the wall. And then suddenly, Sirius pulls away, trailing his lips down my neck, and then sucking and nipping at my collarbone. The skin there heats up under his ministrations, and it's all I can do not to scream.

"_Sirius_…" I pant, head falling backwards, unintentionally exposing my neck even more, "We- really should… should – ahhh – _not _be d-doing this here!"

Sirius says nothing in reply, and simply moves back so that his lips are once again planted on mine. The sensations are overwhelming; my heart is _racing_, my blood is _pumping_ and my head is _reeling_… and _fuck…_are those _goosebumps_?

He pushes me harder against the wall, bodies aligned perfectly; all the angles and planes of our bodies fitting exactly, like a jigsaw puzzle.

Pulling away from me, Sirius stares at me with darkened grey eyes, those orbs alone enough to make me want to jump him there and then. "Sirius?" I ask when I began to find his persistent gaze slightly uncomfortable.

"Yeah?" he murmurs, in a voice that raises the hairs on the back of my neck in anticipation. Then I notice the expectant look in his eyes.

Huh?

I cock my head to the side, wondering what on earth he's waiting for. I want him back in my arms _right now, damn it!_

And then I feel it.

The heat I feel on my lower back seems to be nothing for a few seconds – just a small annoyance that really should _not _be thought about whilst there is a thoroughly shaggable Sirius Black standing in front of you.

But then, it transforms.

And suddenly, my arse is on _fucking **fire**!_

I jump up from my spot against the wall, only to realise that what I was leaning against was a bloody radiator. Oh fuck, my arse is burning. 

I turn to yell at Sirius for accidentally pushing me into a radiator, to find him bent over and rummaging through his bag. "Sirius?" I call, wincing as I feel the burning pain on my behind increase. Frowning, I try to resist the crazy urge to rub my poor bum.

Pulling out a rolled up bit of parchment with an exaggerated flourish, he winks at me. "Yes darling."

"You need to be more careful!" I growl, feeling as though someone stuck thousands of needles into the tender flesh of my backside. It was probably only an mistake, but I can't help but feel angry at my boyfriend. "You pushed me into a radiator!"

He laughs, waggling his eyebrows. "Am I in trouble?"

I glare. "Only if you carry on laughing like that." Sirius simply shrugs, an impish twinkle in his silver eyes, as he takes out a quill from his bag and unrolls the parchment.

And that's when I see it.

_'50 Things Sirius Black Is Not Allowed To Do'._

My mouth drops as realisations dawns.

Oh, Sirius Orion Black, you are _dead meat_.

"Moony, darling? I must say, I quite like it when you're all angry like that. It's rather… Moony? Remus? Are you- _NOOOO DON'T KILL ME_!"

**_I really hope you like it!_**

**_Review?_**

**_Pretty please :)_**


	10. Number 41

**_A rather quick update, I know :) This is the second to last oneshot! And the next one is half written, so that should be up pretty soon :) I really hope you like this chapter :) And please, remember to review :D_**

* * *

**NUMBER 41: TRY TO SHOW THE CLASS THE MINERVA MCGONAGALL IS TICKLISH, IN A HANDS ON DEMONSTRATION:**

**Minerva POV.**

"Albus!" I called as I banged open the door to the headmaster's office. I stomped in, my cheeks still blotched red in fury.

Dumbledore looked up at me serenely from his seat behind his desk, blue eyes twinkling. "What on earth is the matter, Minerva?"

"What is the matter? _What is the matter_? Sirius Black! Sirius Black _is the matter_!" I ranted, pacing around the room, my emerald green robes billowing around me.

"Do you know what he tried to do to me today?!" I asked furiously, knowing that I probably looked deranged.

"No, but I'm assuming you're just about to tell me, correct?" Dumbledore looked at me, that irritating sparkle in his eyes only growing stronger. When I nod curtly, he motions for me sit down on one of the chairs standing in front of his desk. Trying to reclaim the dignity I had lost only a few minutes ago (during my rather uncharacteristic rant), I sat down with my back straight and head held high.

"It all started about halfway through my lesson with the seventh years…"

**Third person POV**

"Sirius, what are you doing?!" Remus hissed at the young Black sitting next to him.

"Nothing!" Sirius turned innocent eyes on his boyfriend, laughing at the furious look on his face. "Come on, you're not still angry about the radiator thing, are you?"

"Of course I am! You killed my arse! I'm _still _in pain." Remus muttered, glaring at Sirius through narrowed amber eyes.

Sirius grinned lewdly. "Are you sure that's not just from last night?"

James snorted, clapping Sirius on the back. "Nice one."

"You didn't get any last night, love." Remus replied, quirking an eyebrow. "And you're not going to be getting any tonight, or tomorrow night. And maybe even for the whole week."

James shook his head at the couple, returning his attention on the red haired beauty sitting in front of him.

"Black! Lupin!" McGonagall came to stand by their desk, nostrils flaring. "Stop talking! Show me the spell you were supposed to be practicing."

Sighing, Remus picked up his wand, waving and flicking it in a complicated motion, all the while reciting a horrendously long incantation. McGonagall raised an eyebrow at the perfect spell, trying not to smile at the nervous young werewolf. "Perfect, Mr. Lupin. Mr Black, your turn."

She turned to Sirius, and was slightly perturbed to see him gazing at her, his chin resting in the palm of his hand. "Black?"

He didn't move.

"Sirius!" Remus hissed, nudging him sharply with an elbow. Sirius jolted out of the trance like state he was in, smiling up at the transfiguration professor.

"Black, perform the spell." McGonagall commanded, lips pursing into a thin line.

"Hmmm…" Sirius murmured, looking up at her through his thick, dark lashes. "I was just wondering, Minnie dear, do you happen to be ticklish?"

McGonagall stared at him, stumped. "Excuse me?!"

"Because," Sirius continued, "you really look ticklish. You know what, I bet you _are_."

"I assure you, Mr. Black," McGonagall said coldly, "that I am not in the least bit ticklish. Now, the spell?"

"You are, you are, you are!" the silver eyed boy sang, cheeky grin spreading from ear to ear.

"Sirius, stop it!" Remus admonished, although there was a suspiciously amused sparkle in his eyes that told Sirius that he didn't _really_ want him to stop these antics.

"What Moony? I was just wondering; I mean, what normal person wouldn't ponder about the ticklish-ness of one Minerva/Minnie/McGoogles McGonagall?" Sirius asked, shrugging.

James burst into laughter, shaking his head at his best friend. "Potter! Get back to work!" McGonagall snapped fiercely. James' head dropped immediately to his desk, cushioned by his arms as he carried on laughing.

"Black," McGonagall stated, looking as though she wanted nothing more than to smash Sirius' head into the wall, "show me the spell."

"I don't know it." Sirius said bluntly. "But I _do _know that you're pretty damn ticklish."

"_Black-"_

The dog Animagus stood up, calling for the class' attention. "Who wants to see me prove that Minnie McGonagall is ticklish?"

All the students burst into cheers… that were immediately silenced when a furious McGonagall turned around to face them, a fire burning in her eyes that threatened imminent death to anyone who dared speak.

During the short moment in which the Gryffindor head of house turned around, Sirius stood up, throwing off Remus' restraining hand on his arm, and tiptoed to his professor.

She whipped around to see Sirius Black standing behind her, waggling his fingers at her. "What on earth are you doing, Black? Sit down right now! Otherwise detention!" McGonagall backed away as Sirius stepped forward, fingers inching closer to her stomach. "Five points from Gryffindor! Black, _sit down_!"

"Oh come on, Minnie. Just let me see whether you're ticklish or not." And with that Sirius jumped forward, tickling her stomach. "_Black!_" She attempted to push him away, going quite red in the face as Sirius continued to assault her.

But she didn't laugh.

Or squirm.

Or even giggle.

Not _once_.

It looked like Sirius had gotten his answer. "SIRIUS BLACK! WHAT THE DEVIL DO YOU MEAN BY THIS? I AM NOT AND NEVER WILL BE TICKLISH! NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

Sirius stared at her rage-filled face for a few seconds before practically flying out of the classroom, with Professor McGonagall's shrieked threats echoing behind him.

**Minerva POV.**

"You see, Albus? This boy is _out of control_!" I said vehemently.

Dumbledore looked at me through his half-moon glasses, smiling serenely. "Now, now, Minerva, I'm sure it was just a little bit of fun."

"_Fun?!" _I screeched. "How is that fun?!"

"Minerva, calm yourself." Dumbledore admonished lightly. "I shall talk to the boy." He clasped his hands together on the desk, beaming at me. "Send him here."

I could tell immediately that Dumbledore was probably thinking to congratulate the young idiotic Black, but I sighed and stood from my seat. I nodded at him curtly, walking out of the room with as much dignity as possible.

**Third person POV**

The Marauders were lounging in the common room, Remus and James playing Chess, with James winning (Chess was the only thing he could beat Remus at, apart from Quidditch) and Sirius and Peter watching.

Professor McGonagall stepped into the portrait hole, nostrils flaring as she found the young man she required. "Black!"

Sirius jumped, head whipping around to meet McGonagall's furious eyes. "Oh Minnie, I'm delighted to see you! I was waiting and waiting for you! I thought you would _never _come! My dear-"

"Black, the Headmaster would like to see you in his office. **_Now_**."

Sirius' eyebrows rose, but he said nothing as he stood, winking at Remus in the process. Wordlessly, he walked to McGonagall, following her out of the common room and towards Dumbledore's office.

**Minerva POV.**

"Here he is, Professor." I opened the door, pushing Black into the room. Closing the door behind me, I stepped in, waiting to see what Dumbledore would say to him.

"Minerva, if you just step outside for a few minutes…" Dumbledore said the statement like he would a question, but I knew that it was order. I stared at the two men for a few seconds before turning on my heel and walking out, making sure to slam the door behind me as I went.

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**_What Dumbledore says to Sirius will be seen in the next oneshot : 'NUMBER 49&50: Tell Dumbledore that he finds his long, long beard incredibly erotic... and then attempt to stroke it seductively', and that will be the last chapter!_**

**_I hope you liked this chapter!_**

**_Please review!_**

**_Also, I am writing ten oneshots for my James Potter list, so go check that out (to vote for your favourite ten)!_**

**_M x_**


	11. Number 49 and 50

**_Last chapter!!!! :(_**

**_Argh, I don't know what I think of this - Dumbledore is such a difficult character to write :S. Oh well, I hope this lives up to your expectations and that you liked it! Please, remember to review this last chapter and tell me what you think of this whole story, as well as what you think about the chapter! :)_**

**_I love all my reviewers for sticking with me till the end of this fic :) _**

**_And you never know, I may come back to this fic some time in the future :) _**

**NUMBER 49 & 50: TELL DUMBLEDORE THAT HE FINDS HE BEARD INCREDIBLY EROTIC, AND THEN ATTEMPT TO STROKE IT SEDUCTIVELY:  
**  
"Well, Mr Black," Dumbledore began, sighing, "I have heard from Professor McGonagall that you thought it amusing to try and find out whether or not she was... ticklish."

"Yes sir." Sirius replied, struggling to control his grin at the memory.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "And may I ask what brought this on?"

"Well, you see sir, it was one of those random thoughts that just pop into your head, you know." Sirius shrugged, feeling slightly uncomfortable under the Headmaster's steady gaze. "I was just eating breakfast one day, and Professor McGonagall walked past and suddenly I just thought, _hey, is Minnie ticklish?_! And I couldn't really tickle her at breakfast, you know, it's the most important meal of the day – I couldn't just _stop_ eating. So I decided it would better to do it during the lesson."

"Hmmm." The aged man nodded, seeming to understand what the young boy in front of him was saying. "Although I am quite glad that you spared professor McGonagall the embarrassment of demonstrating your theory in the Great Hall in front of everyone, I must tell you that Professor McGonagall did not find it the least amusing. I'm quite sure that it also disrupted your lesson quite a bit."

Sirius nodded, but he couldn't stop himself from saying, "the whole of the class did find it funny though, sir."

"I'm sure they did. Nevertheless, please refrain from this kind of behaviour in lessons, yes?"

Nodding, Sirius sighed, "Yes professor, sorry professor." He tried not to roll his eyes as he apologised, boredom evident in his tone, with no outward (or inward) sign of remorse.

Dumbledore, noticing this, shook his head. "Mr. Black, have I made myself perfectly clear?"

Seeing that his headmaster was serious, he said firmly, "Crystal, sir."

Dumbledore stared at him contemplatively for a few moments, stroking his long beard once. Sirius' eyes fell to the hand on the white beard, and an idea popped into his head.

Oh dear.

Sirius squirmed in his seat, the excitement beginning to get to him. This was going to be _hilarious. _"Professor, I was wondering, c-can I ask you something?" The young Black looked up at the aged man, eyes widening in show of innocence. Sirius gave himself a mental pat on the back – _Brilliant acting, Sirius, brilliant. _

"Of course, ask away." Dumbledore smiled at him, waiting for the young Black to speak.

"Your beard…" Dumbledore's eyebrows shot up. "How long did it take to grow that long?"

"Years, Mr Black, years." He replied, looking at the young man through half moon glasses.

Sirius nodded, a mischievous glint lighting up his eyes; suddenly going from innocent-looking to utterly cheeky. "Because, you know," here, the young man leaned forward. "It really does wonders for your looks, this beard. In fact," Sirius fluttered his lashes at the man, finding it hard not to burst into hysterical laughter there and then, "I find it rather… _erotic_…"

Dumbledore stared at the boy in front of him, looking rather taken aback. His blue eyes narrowed for a split second, before widening again, the twinkle in them suddenly intensifying. With a quirked eyebrow, he said, "excuse me, Mr Black?"

Sirius hurried to explain. "I mean, there's just something about it that makes me want to reach out and…" Here, looking as though he was entranced by the spectacular image of the white beard in front of him, the silver eyed boy's arm lifted up into the air, hand stretching out towards the aged man sitting across from him.

With the expression that Remus referred to as 'The Seducer' (lashes lowered, lips pouting ever-so-slightly and hair hanging like a curtain over his face (it's sexier than it sounds.)) set into his face, his fingers gently brushed a small part of Dumbledore's beard. The man jerked back slightly, looking utterly shocked. "Mr Black, I must ask you," he said in a strangely calm voice, "to keep your hands to  
yourself." Dumbledore stared at him sternly through his half moon glasses.  
_  
Gladly, _Sirius thought, fighting the urge to wipe his hand on his trousers. _Ugh, I _**_definitely _**_have to wash my hands before I touch Remus tonight._

"Of course, professor." Sirius looked down at the desk in front of him, desperately trying to control the hysterical laugh building up in his throat. Glimpsing up at the headmaster again, he rearranged his features to show an expression of apology and remorse. "I'm _so _sorry professor, I have no idea what came over me! I-I-I should leave now." Heaving a sigh, as though he had just been terribly let down, Sirius stood up and turned his back on Dumbledore, stepping forwards until he was right in front of the door.

With a hand on the doorknob, Sirius whipped around suddenly, a desperate look plastered on his face. "Professor, I am terribly sorry, but I simply _must _touch it again!" He rushed forward, only to be stopped by Dumbledore's raised hand.

"Mr Black, _leave__."_

Sirius straightened, sticking his nose in the air haughtily. "Fine! _Fine!_" And with that, he stomped out the room.

-

Albus Dumbledore smiled slightly when he heard the manic, joyful laughter bursting from the boy's mouth as he walked away from the office, the twinkle in his bright blue eyes only growing stronger.

**_Hope you liked it!_**

**_Review this last chapter for meeee :) I'll love you forever._**

**_*Goes off to write the first oneshot for her James Potter list*_**

**_-MaraudersAndLilyILove x_**


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